As for back as I can remember I was always an anxious child. I was constantly having stomach aches, missing lots of school, but was never diagnosed with mental illness until I was in my 30s.
One time I went to the doctor about physical issues, she told me I was suffering from Depression….. I said some not so nice words and walked out. But when the second doctor told me the same, I was forced to stop and think could this be true? Through lots of trials on different meds, misdiagnosis of symptoms, many trips to doctors and hospitals I had to accept that I was indeed depressed. I was referred to a wonderful psychiatrist. I was also diagnosed with Panic disorder, Anxiety, and a mild case of OCD.
As in everyone’s life, up and downs happen. I was doing ok till my father’s death. As a child I never really had to deal with death, so when my dad died this was in essence the 1st family member to die, I was also 7 months pregnant with my second child. I swallowed my pain. I was scared I would hurt my baby. After that my life really changed a lot. Things happened between my siblings, my mother and I.
I do NOT promote this in any way but I had to make the hardest choice in my life. I’ve seen things happening between my mother and one of my sister’s. It made me uncomfortable, but I felt I didn’t have the right to say anything. The last time I was visited my mom, that sister came and took a lot of things. My sister said something to me. Right then and there I had to make the choice of being in a very unhealthy situation or walking away. I walked away! Through the death of my grandmother, my mother, I still stayed firm and strong. A lawsuit made all the sisters talk through lawyers, but to this day I will not be involved with toxic people. I had a total of 4 sisters. When the second oldest die, I did have a relapse. But with the help of GREAT FRIENDS, a lot of trips to my doctor, I came through it. The death of my oldest sister I handled much better. As for the other two, I have not spoken to them in over 12 years. They are nothing to me.
The reason I talk about this, is because even though these people were my family, I am so proud of myself to be strong enough to know if they were not part of the solution, they were the problem. I am sure Dr.Phil would not agree, but not everyone needs to forgive in order to get past and grow. My life is still a daily challenge, but if it wasn’t it would be boring.
Jessie
Thanks very much to Jessie for sending this blog entry in. Walking away from people who have been a large part of your life is never easy. It takes an incredible amount of strength and courage to do what Jessie did. This is a problem that many people in toxic families struggle with, and very few are able to walk away successfully and know that they did the right thing.